I think I am a living oxymoron. All the luxuries and none of the comforts? Hmmmm... Home is where the heart is, isn't it? Even without upholstered furniture?

I am sitting on my deck in Loma Partida, sipping on a glass of 2006 Ventisquero Reserve chardonnay, watching the stillness of the cayucos dotting the vast waters of Laguna Chiriqui which melt into a horizon spanned by seemingly endless cloud-covered mountains. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that I am enjoying this incredibly peaceful vista while waiting for my pasta to finish cooking so that I can indulge myself in the fabulous lobster sauce I made earlier - out of fresh lobster, of course, and garlic, habaneros, green pepper, and basil all from my cayuco garden....with my darling Rita laying by my feet. Less than a week ago, I was lost in thoughts that focused on the fact that life is difficult because I am broke, in debt up to the tips of my long eyelashes, and signs of financial ruin on the horizon. Duh. What was wrong with me!!!!!

Let me think about this for a minute. Here I am, barefoot and freshly bathed at dusk, sitting in a plastic chair on a deck over the water (literally) listening to the waves gently lapping on the rock-laden shoreline, sipping wine, comfortable in my African batik moo-moo, and cooled by a consistent breeze keeps my body at a comfortable temperature. There is NOTHING difficult about this picture. I must have been lost in that same scenario I get caught up in each time I return to my old world. Yeah, the gods truly must be crazy!

OK...granted, I don't have a flush toilet...nor electricity - but I do have a working generator, and I am working towards the solar route - it just takes time and money, of which I have neither right now. This too will pass...if it were too easy, maybe I wouldn't appreciate it as much as I should. The universe is working really hard to teach me a lesson. I need to stop and listen.

I love it here - I have loved it since my first visit - it is the fulfillment of a lifelong fantasy, and I am living my fantasy....here and now. How cool is that? I have my very own pet tiger, little miss Rita, and this really cool thatched-roof rancho with hammocks to lay and read in, a cute little house over the water, my own boat, a coral reef out front, a jungle, incredibly cool jungle flowers....and all kinds of birds to watch. This is kind of like being Jane of the Jungle, without Tarzan. (Dare I hope?)

I arrived in Panama last Wednesday night, but spent a couple of days in the city gathering supplies, so finally made it to Loma Partida on Friday evening. Wow. Every breath was really revitalizing - refreshing....as I remembered it here... and I found myself hard pressed to remember why I left....it had something to do with illness, but that seems like so long ago.

Rita greeted me upon my return, playing a little rougher than I like at first, and as she left her deep scratches and bite marks on my ankles, I was a little frightened that she had lost the tame manner I had known in her - but, as in the last few times I was away for a month or so, she resumed her natural loving ways in a short period of time, and I was swept away with the level of affection I have for her. What a cool pet - albeit an expensive one to feed. I no longer own any chickens, for she has eaten them all. I miss feeding them in the mornings and evenings, and the fresh eggs. Maybe if I build a house for them for the evenings?

Anyway, I am home, at least the home of my heart and fantasies....and happy. I have only three weeks here before I have to return to the US, for Steve cannot keep my dogs any longer than that as he works in DC for the fourth of July - my favorite Uncle Sam on HUGE stilts! The airlines have restrictions on the dogs flying until September 15th, and in truth, I must return then, I am compelled. This place is in my heart, my blood, my soul...... I love it.